~~Eyes are the Windows of your HEART~~

since i was a kid, my interest was more to motivational books and books about life...including the books filled with proverbs and idioms and not to forget the quotes from famous writers..but,due to my memory cells degrading( i guess), up until now, i managed to remember only a few of them..saddens me a lot actually..but, the most fav quote that i think i wouldnt forget in my entire life is this.. 'eyes are the windows of your heart'..
i first read this qoute back in 1996 when i was just 9 years old..i couldnt exactly remember from which book it was, but, i can scarcely remember it's from a beige thin covered book...that book was'nt mine, i think we bought it from the garage sale we always attended in petaling jaya then.so, back to the main subject, when i first caught my eyes to this quote, i certainly agree with it!! my mum always says.."we have to becareful with our eyes..it shows everything..be it hatred,joy,excitement,jealousy,sorrow or misery.."yup..eyes wouldnt lie..it reflects whats inside you that's yearning so hard to be heard..and, i always look at people in their eyes to know, whats bothering them the most esp when they speak and interacting with me. as i knew about this trick, i'm always scared that people will see me straight into my eyes and see the awkwardness and discomfort that i'm having. believe it or not, most of the time i'm conversing actually i'm having a huge feeling of awkwardness in me. only several people made me feel comfortable in speaking and most of them dont..its not their fault actually..its me..i used to have inferiority complex in the past..and i guess, there are still the remainings of it stucked inside the edges of my heart and made me felt a bit less confident to have a normal conversation with my fellow friends..
speaking about eyes, i feel like writing about my dear friend here..her name was R. i've known her for almost 5 years..initially, we were'nt that close eventhough we belong to the same circle of friends and were classmates..maybe because she has this northern dialect which i'm seldom exposed to..so, in short, i dont really understand what she was talking about most of the time..usu, i just politely smile and nodded..days by days, we got closer, and i started to feel comfortable having her around and had some good chats over anything..we entered the same medical school in moscow...and, the real stories started here.. ;-) first year, there's nothing as interesting as the following years..second year came along, i could sense there's some kind of shine in her eyes..her eyes started to glow, and i knew it at once..maybe, the cupid has done his work? hehehe..as usu, during our leisure time, we exchanged stories and catching up the new gossips around the corner..the streotype questions arised to her.." r, macam mane r dengan z"..i asked..the same question..and,all over again..most of the time, she would reply " takda ape2 lah..kami kawan je.." while sheepishly smiling..questioning and answering -it went on quite sometime.as always, denial would be the answer..but, only her eyes really showed her blooming heart..we were happy for her, and keep on teasing her lovey dovey thingy....unfortunately, life was not a bed of roses..there were times when i could see her sorrow thru her eyes..it seemed to me,the more she denied, the more hurtful she was..its all potrayed thru her saddened eyes..the periodic changes in her eyes,glowing to gloomy to joy, persisted for almost 2 years, and eventually came to an end.. it was for good..just occured a month or two ago..cant really remember the exact date..her eyes showed diff changes from usual..its more like a frustrated devastated weeping eyes..i couldnt help but noticing..and, was afraid to ask any further as her body language seemed like saying ' i'm ok..so, u just dont ask me anything'..so, i didnt ask her anything, but i do know there's something wrong..and this is like the final..its the full stop of the denial relationship that she was having with her used to be prince charming..after a couple of days passed by, i confronted her and asked whether is it true its over between them..she was shocked to see me knowing so much without her telling..then i replied, " r, sume nye dari mate..tengok mate pun dah tau.." few drops of tears started to flow down her rosy cheeks..and, she told me about it..at least few details of it..obviously, it was hard for her, but, everything's happen for a reason..personally, i was quite relieved its over between them..because i think she deserves a better person.. a person more or less like her..like my sister said.." kite kn cari orang yang same fikrah, sama pandangan supaye boleh same2 maju untuk ISLAM insyaallah.." so, yup..she should be with someone more mature and understanding..not that i'm saying the mr z wasnt good enuff for her, they were just not meant for each other..things looked fine for her for sometime..but,a wounded heart wasnt meant to be healed in the nick of time right? yesterday, i saw her weeping..i'm sure its about him again..but,as always, she denied eventhough it was obvious her eyes were swollen due to the lacrimation..but, never mind, as long as she cries, it would be better rather than supressing the real feelings inside..luckily, today she seemed fine! :-) i hope she would stay strong and optimistic in the future..i'll try to not ask her any questions as,maybe, asking her again would deteriorate her almost healed wounded heart...r, stay strong dear, and have faith in you..its ok to make mistakes when u can learn from it and not making the same one anymore...and, remember, you are not alone....ur eyes tells everything..so, no need to hide, its the window of your heart..i can lend my shoulders for you to cry on..stay sweet and get married soon!! love ya!! :-)