~ hosp1tal attachment?

shortly after subuh prayer(7.40 a.m), 1 headed towards the 1nfect1on hosp1tal wh1ch 1s located about 1 and an half hour from my apartment(chewah!1ts a hostel actually.. ;P)1t was cr1spy cold.too cold to bear w1th. and 1, was smart enough to not prepare myself for that sort of cold. well,1t was a mere -7'c, but as 1t has'nt been snow1ng awh1le and the weather has been n1ce to us( d1dnt reach negat1ve for the past several weeks), 1 wasnt really expect1ng th1s( 1 know, 1ts my fault! russ1an's w1nter 1s unpred1ctable, so we just have to be prepared all the t1me.. ;) ) as the malay say1ng goes " sed1akan payung sebelum hujan"..1 should have br1ng along a warm sweater, unfortunately, 1 havent took my laundry basket yet from the f1rst floor wh1ch conta1ns almost 90% of my usual att1res. the rema1n1ng clothes 1n my cupboard are cons1dered as outdated, thus, 1 dont feel l1ke wear1ng 1t anymore(heh! ;P).however, as the moscow temperature sharply decrease and my laundry 1s st1ll stuck 1n the laundrette,1t 1s crystal clear that 1 have no opt1on. tugg1ng 1n one of my old wool sweater would be the last th1ng 1n my m1nd, but u w1ll see me 1n that for just tomorrow( 1 went to take my laundry of 13 k1los but the laundrette 1s not open today..*s1gh*)!so,please dont laugh at me! (malu2.. ;P)

so, back to the real story..( 1 l1ke to sway th1ngs once 1n a wh1le a1te? ;P), as 1 was walk1ng, 1've been th1nk1ng what post 1'm go1ng to wr1te today..housemansh1p, jual mahal(yes2!! hahahha..), love, fam1ly, economy, fr1ends, culture..ahhhh...1 cant dec1de as for me each of the 1ssues 1s 1nterest1ng 1n an except1on of the lovey dovey th1ngy.. ;P wh1le 1 am eager to wr1te more about housemansh1p(my sen1ors just graduated and have been tell1ng me a lot of stor1es..) however, 1n a spl1t of second 1 changed my m1nd. 1 thought, 1t would be better to wr1te on that 1ssue when 1'm almost graduat1ng, hence lessen the pressure to all of us! ( yeah... 1 f1nd 1t qu1te a burden to th1nk about) so, for that reason, 1 would love to talk more about hosp1tal attachment 1n malays1a...(well, st1ll related about hosp1tal and me.. 1 just love hosp1tal!! hahaha.. ;P)

be1ng a med1cal student from russ1a who has no 1dea on how the health system works 1n a hosp1tal, surely 1t was tough 1n the beg1nn1ng. 1've expected to be d1scr1m1nated as 1 heard from my sen1ors on how the doctors tend to look down to us and say1ng how 1ncompetent we are. 1've set 1n my m1nd that those are the barr1ers that 1 need to overcome. so, when 1 started out my f1rst ever elect1ve post1ng 1n HUSM w1th my fellow mates here, 1 was prepared mentally ne1ther d1d 1 know 1t would be qu1te a d1fferent s1tuat1on. 1 was posted to the 1nternal med1c1ne department and surgery for 4 weeks.1 was thr1lled and cant wa1t to see the cases and share what 1've learnt 1n moscow( 1 thought 1 knew a lot!!! *perasannya* ;P). the f1rst week, 1 was qu1te stressed out( 1 was hard on myself, 1 tr1ed to answer everyth1ng r1ght but 1 d1dnt manage to do so..*s1gh*). 1 asked ayah long(he's an anaesthes1st 1n HUSM) on how to be competent and at the same t1me not t1r1ng myself out. he told me, the key 1s w1ll1ng to learn and never feel adequate of what we know. owh, he also adv1sed me to slow down and dont pressure myself( my fam1ly knows how strong w1lled 1 am, and 1t can be destruct1ng somet1mes.. ;P)so, 1 took up h1s adv1se and 1 enjoyed do1ng my post1ng =).yes, 1n1t1ally there's th1s dr A, scept1cal,and keep on compar1ng austral1a and russ1a, but eventually, we prove to her, we are not as bad as what she thought we were. (kudooss!! ;P) then, 1 was posted to the surg1cal department where 1 met th1s cool gastroenterelog1st who saw me as h1s own daughter(*w1nk* ;P). but th1s t1me, 1t goes the other way round, he pra1sed the russ1an students and compare us to the malays1an students. 1 feel bad for them because 1've been on the same boat...(1 guess, 1t depends on the 1nd1v1dual and not from where they study..) he also 1ns1st on me do1ng my housemansh1p 1n HUSM as he can see the potent1al 1n me as a surgeon! (hahaha...honestly, 1 dont l1ke surgery at all! LOL! ;P) wh1e do1ng my elect1ve 1n the surg1cal department, 1 met a lot of new fr1ends and they helped me all along. they even gave me the chance to do the oncall and stayed w1th me to teach me a th1ng or two. 1 was touched 1 must say.. (heheheh.. ;P) alr1ght, that was 2 years ago..when 1 was st1ll 1n 3rd year @precl1n1cal year...and after a year, 1 went back to malays1a dur1ng the summer hols to do my second elect1ve post1ng..

th1s t1me, 1 d1d 1t w1th the puellas(40% of them..) 1n hosp1tal serdang wh1ch 1s only a stone's throw from my house. th1s t1me, 1 cant wa1t to be posted to the o&g department and 1nternal med1c1ne... wee~~ =) 1 can p1cture myself handl1ng the del1vary,do1ng the VE,check1ng the placenta,manual palpat1on of uterus, h1story tak1ng and etc..1 am also 1xc1ted to do the abg, canula, sutur1ng, PE, 1v..and other th1ngs that 1 havent done yet... (1'm sett1ng my expectat1on really h1gh!! *hurmmm..*) so, when my fr1ends told me that we need to delay a week from the actual date, 1 was qu1te d1sappo1nted but never really show 1t..when the t1me comes, 1 was over the moon! =D we reg1stered 1n the off1ce and the recept1on1st handed out the l1st of post1ngs and told us that they cant manage to follow our appeals, and they just put us accord1ng to the vacanc1es. 1 d1dnt really gave a damn because 1 thought 1 got what 1 want( see..too much conf1dence! *hurm..*)and, when my fr1ends was wh1n1ng about ortho and paeds(both of th1s d1sc1pl1ne we havent learned 1t yet)after read1ng through the l1st,1 peek through and 1 saw, my name was l1sted to do orthopaed1cs(what the heck???),general surgery(told u before, 1'm just not born to be one.. *s1gh*) and 1nternal med1c1ne(th1s t1me, we are actually on leave..)!!! 1 was stunned..my hopes were crushed..and 1 feel l1ke 1 dont want to do anyth1ng..and s1lently,1 was jealous of my fr1ends who got the o&g posts.. 1 feel l1ke cry1ng..(ser1ously!! 1 AM pass1onate w1th o&G..)but, 1 put on a solemn face and be1ng accept1ng of what 1 just got. (hurmmm...)..the f1rst week was orthopaed1cs..as 1 expected, bones just werent thr1ll1ng enough..doesnt 1nterest me at all.. all 1 can saw were fractures, ulcers, amputat1on..and noth1ng can make me "wow!!"..1 exper1enced severe boredom and hoped that general surgery wh1ch would commence the follow1ng week to be more exc1t1t1ng..then aga1n, 1'm shattered to p1eces!(dang!! ) general surgery was even worse.. theres no students to help us out, the housemans were cranky and all 1 saw were wound heal1ngs and some ulcers(aga1n!!)...the doctors d1dnt bother to even look at us.. 1'd rather be1ng scolded at than be1ng 1nv1s1ble..=( (human always compla1n of what they got even thats what they w1sh for 1n the f1rst place..*muhasabah d1r1 jap*..)...1t was a hell lot of exper1ence..and 1 vowed never want to do my elect1ve post1ng 1n that hosp1tal aga1n because 1'm afra1d the h1story w1ll repeat 1tself..( 1'm parano1d.. ;P)..

and now, 1 am 1n 5th year..(weee~~ =)) next year, w1ll be our f1nal elect1ve post1ng 1n malays1a..yeay!! =)1 have dec1ded to do 1t 1n HKB as 1 want to know the work1ng cond1t1on 1n that hosp1tal.1'm plann1ng to do my housemansh1p there as well as 1 feel that 1 need to spend some t1me w1th my tok we and tok che..or m1ght be the other way round.. (heh! ;P)most of my fr1ends are go1ng to do 1t 1n KL but 1 on the other hand opted for the suburbs. ;P th1s t1me 1 want to do 1t r1ght. 1 want to learn a lot and broaden my c1rcle of fr1ends..1'm do1ng 1t alone (from here lah..or maybe w1th someone.. ;P) but 1 guess 1 can surv1ve..1 dont want to l1ft up my expectat1on but at the same t1me 1 dont want to dampen my sp1r1ts..be moderate.. =)look1ng forward to be posted 1n the o&g department(del1var1es!! =)), emergency dep(suture!!! =)) and 1nternal med1c1ne dep (ecgs!!! =)), but also welcom1ng other d1sc1pl1nes... people always say, save the best for the last...and 1 hope th1s w1ll be the best moments of my l1fe..



*hop1ng for the best but prepare for the worst* .. from my exper1ence, when we lower our expectat1on, we w1ll be more sat1sf1ed even for a t1ny gesture... =) and, 1'm st1ll try1ng to do so..

p/s: wh1le wr1t1ng th1s, my words got stuck somewhere, but 1 managed to drag 1t over here and compose 1t to become a p1ece of my work..hehehe..(wa1t, no2..th1s 1s not s1gn of thought block1ng!! ;P)