~~ a p1ece of my l1fe..

after almost a year rest1ng , 1'm f1nally back on track..=) so many th1ngs happened to me 1n th1s short per1od of t1me..(1s 1t?)..1 must say.. th1ngs that 1've never saw 1t com1ng..the events that make me change my po1nt of v1ew of l1fe..mak1ng me more stronger and bel1eve that there's gonna be a better future for me ahead..those who knew me, 1'm sure they know what 1'm talk1ng about..what else 1f not about my dramat1c love l1fe! (heh!;P)okay2..so, let me start w1th the chronology and th1ngs happen afterwards...


he just came back from malays1a on the 4th of september.. 1 was so exc1ted, so 1 cooked someth1ng n1ce for h1m and wa1ted for h1m to call..he told me he prepared a supr1se for me..1 sm1led, p1ctur1ng h1m w1th someth1ng for me..hehehe..( 1 love 1t when he makes supr1ses, mak1ng me want h1m even more..) upon arr1val, he looks t1red and a b1t cold, but 1 thought 1t was ok..havent 1t been he was on the fl1ght for 6 hours..ne1ther d1d 1 thought 1t was a bad s1gn for us..1gnor1ng that fact,on the other hand 1 was nagg1ng about my scars that left me felt 1nsecure..( 1 thought, 1'll be not as beat1ful as he wants me to be...)...aahh..1 know, 1 am be1ng 1nsens1t1ve that t1me! but, u know, 1 have always thought, he w1ll leave me someday for another g1rl..ok, back to the real story..so, then, after we had our meal wh1ch was ayam msk merah(h1s fav), he gave the present.. 1t was a kaftan he bought w1th h1s mother and the kerepok lekor!! 1 was touched but my react1on wasnt.. 1 dont know why, but suddenly 1 got angry at h1m because the kaftan was too long and 1t d1dnt f1t me well!( 1'm very fussy about s1zes!) so, 1 k1nda told h1m, who was he th1nk1ng when he bought th1s..and we had a f1ght..he told me h1s mum choose that.. 1 know 1 should be grateful, but 1 dont know what happened to me, 1 exploded and cr1ed! ( emot1ons was controll1ng me!)and went stra1ght to my room. as usual, he would just keep s1lent and let me deal w1th my emot1ons myself. and after awh1le, 1 felt bad, and apolog1ze to h1m..( these are actually a norm for us, so 1 thought 1t was ok..) so the next day, 1 asked h1m, when we could go to the cl1n1c because my sk1n was 1tch1ng so bad and 1'm afra1d there w1ll be a lot of scar afterwards..1 1ns1st on go1ng on saturday, but aga1n,be1ng as 1nsens1t1ve and pushy as before, 1 told h1m 1'd rather go alone then hav1ng to wa1t for h1m..(emot1onal aga1n!) he told me, we cant make 1t on saturday because they w1ll be the berbuka puasa w1th h1s classmates..so, we dec1ded to go the next day..on sunday, we went to the cl1n1c at k1evskaya ..unfortunately, the cl1n1c was closed..and the whole day, 1 can sense he was st1ll cold towards me..( 1 thought 1t was just the normal ep1sode of h1m go1ng to the cave..so, 1 dont really g1ve so much attent1on..) after he sent me back to my room, 1 asked h1m 1f we were actually, ok..he told me that we are f1ne.. so, 1t cooled me down 1n some ways.. desp1te that, on the 8th of september 2008, 1n the even1ng, he told me the truth...he needed some space..1 k1nda see 1t com1ng, so 1 tr1ed to look ok w1th 1t.. he told me, there's a lot of reason he cant be w1th me..( 1dont have to state 1t here,coz, th1ngs are realy compl1cated)..tears were flow1ng down my cheeks and we say goodbye..( actually,that t1me, 1 thought, we would reconc1le back, so.. 1'm just g1v1ng h1m the t1me to th1nk 1t over..p1ty me!) at that spec1f1c moment, 1 thought, 1t was only a crack of our 4 years relat1onsh1p and m1ght somehow heal 1tself, but after 3 weeks, on the 21 of sept 2008,1 asked to meet up to d1scuss about us, and he told me we had noth1ng left..and we can only talk about work..( we are 1n the students assoc1at1on com1ttee)..so, that was the start of my l1fe w1thout h1m..1 was a total mess 1 must say..1 thought 1 cant make 1t.. 1 cr1ed for days to weeks...1 sk1pped my classes, 1 even wrote so many th1ngs on my wall, vow1ng no to love and other emot1onal talk1ng(aga1n!!)..1 couldnt bear the thought of l1v1ng l1fe w1thout h1m..1 cant sleep, 1 cant even eat...but, at the same 1 tr1ed look1ng f1ne 1n front of the people around us, but only Allah knows how pa1nful 1 was 1ns1de..my fr1ends were very helpful 1n help1ng me out..cred1ts to nad1a and ****** espec1ally because they were w1th me throughout the whole th1ng....and my relat1onsh1p w1th my ex was volat1le as well.. 1 heard so many rumours about h1m dat1ng w1th someone back 1n malays1a, and 1 myself was be1ng rumoured hav1ng a th1ng for a guy here.. so, of course, we werent ok..well, at least 1 wasnt ok.. 1 felt cheated, 1 felt my trust was betrayed, and 1 d1d what 1 thought was r1ght..but, those were all the emot1ons act1ng and talk1ng..and f1nally, last week, we had another chatt1ng sess1on to clear the blurry and snowy a1r, and eventually, we are 1n good terms.. and supr1s1ngly, 1 felt rel1eved lett1ng h1m go w1th peace because we are just never meant to be.. so, there's no use of hat1ng h1m or pun1sh1ng h1m.. he had the courage to say the r1ght th1ng and 1 wasnt..

and now, after 3 months, 1 coped well..1 passed my exams w1th fly1ng colors(ALHAMDULL1LLAH..), 1 started out my nas1 lemak bus1ness, 1 managed to get to know more people(w1nk! ;P), 1 am more pos1t1ve, 1 can go out w1thout worry1ng what he w1ll be eat1ng ton1te, 1 can do what 1 want and st1ll feel good about 1t.. and the most 1mportant th1ng, 1 w1ll try to 1mprove myself (controll1ng my emot1ons and not be1ng too sens1t1ve) and be1ng more choosy of who 1 w1ll fall for! ;P for the record, th1s 1s the only guy that changed my l1fe and mak1ng me real1sed that no matter how much efforts u tr1ed, 1f 1t 1s not dest1ned to be yours, 1t w1ll never be.. and thanks for be1ng a p1ece of my h1story.. =)

p/s:thanks to you for mak1ng me breath aga1n..and 1'm sorry for some badmouth1ng and 1rrat1onal act1ons....we deserve better persons.. =)

owh! my keyboard 1s not funct1on1ng well..so, my bad.. ;P