~~ i just wanna redo everything

after all, my depression wasnt really over i guess..i'm not sure is it the real feelings or just the hormones talking.. but, i cant always blame my hormones..

or maybe i'm missing my family so darn much that anything here seems so wrong..this morning i dreamt about my family..i was at home with my sibs..khodijah,luqman,zainab,abdul rahman,sumaiyyah,safiyyah, and muaz..we were so happy..sharing the laughters, exchanging stories and having a superb priceless time together...then suddenly i woke up..i saw my black fan stood straight in front of me..then only i realised i was just dreaming......devastated, i shed few tears without no one knowing..my room is deserted with me all alone whereas my besties from other house, there were all back home to malaysia..its making me confined in boredom and lonesome....to make things worse,only few hours before, the other half of me dropped the bombshell...i dont think its appropriate to write it here what's the big thing, but the truth was really hard to swallow..and, honestly,my heart shatters to millions pieces only Allah knows how i felt...it would take ages to mend my fragile heart and it would never be the same again.. :-(

deep inside, i somehow wish i could turn back time...but i'm just a human..

~~ its so hurtful inside i cant think..

i'm lost with my words..i have so much to write..so much to tell.. but it just got stuck inside me..help me..please.. i really need to pour it down as i dont have anyone to confide in right now....as for that, i really have to write...to just say anything that have been bottled up in me..but, i just cant...i've been trying since forever but i'm failing...its just so heavy inside..i just want to unleashe the emotions in me..why it is so hard? :-(

~~ rising up.

the gloomy moments of my yesterday, it's over..i'm ok now..yippeee!! ;-)i thought, maybe that was just a natural circadian rhythm of my body..to reach the bottom once, and just rise up again..(well, actually this is from the book," men are from mars, woman are from venus") after all, it was hardly a day,and after lots of tears pouring out of me added to it some cry baby whining (which i must say wasnt so nice for people to hear but unfortunately i'm doing it again and again.. hehehe), i'm starting fresh today..rejuvenated and optimistically, i walked my way to the hospital for therapy class, eventhough i'm not feeling very well(my cough is still present and its almost a month!) with the sore throat that is partially healed..the chilling morning breeze made me regretted of not grabbing the gloves that i've place exactly on top of my bed(so that, i'll not forget)....despite that, i was still able to think and compose for this entry today..i feel like writing a whole lot of stuff,ideas keep on flowing in my mind i even thought of returning back home and grab my lappy!! :-) in contrary to that,as i returned home,my mind just got blocked..from what,i'm not sure..i couldnt write smoothly and always thinking about what should i write..so, it doesnt really sound like me..at first i'll type,..then read,then delete it..when eventually i was actually typing the exact same sentence like the first one.. :-( i've always second guessing myself in writing..but, that doesnt happened when i'm studying..almost rarely i doubted my ability to think and make everything sounds right..hehehhe..i love the feeling of understanding a concept..and memorising the drugs..and the mechanism..and the pathogenesis..and the clinical manifestation ..i simply love anything that's related in whats so ever way..that drives my passion in medicine.. needless to say,that's why i enjoyed my cycle of therapy and neurology and obs the most.. :-)

(feel like going to sauna or some body massage..but, nak wat camne..tadak duit lorr..that's the expensive way of refreshing and easing your tense body....but thats waayyy to extravagant for students like me..so, i'll stick to the crying method..huhuhuh..)

~~ i just want to run away...

i'm sick of all this..i'm sick of always being unappreciated..always being rejected..always being misunderstood..i just hate to confide in people when i needed to the most..i just hate when anyone can do everything without people b**ching about it but not me..i hate it when the one thing i love to do the most(getting into pictures) and people just dont let me..as if i'm going to cause any harm to them..i hate to lie to people when i was actually hiding my dissapointment towards them..i hate it when i cant express my anger and frustration to the right person, instead broke down to the one i love..i hate it when he's not listeing to me but yelling at me..i hate my insecurity isuues..i'm sick of everything..i just want to run away..away from here..far far away where no one knows me.... T-T

~~ persistently we do..

dieting...we've started our diet program for almost 2 weeks..well, not me exactly..but, i'm just supporting my other half..people around us cant help but wondering why are we fussing ourselves by restricting the joy of eating leisurely....they told us, we look fine with no excess belly YET!! huhuhuhu..it was simple actually..i just dont want our arteries to get clogged and increase our morbidity and mortality rate for the next 30 years...at least..it wasnt almost right to say, we are dieting because we felt too fat..but, as a matter of fact, i just want us to get used to the right way of eating..which means, less fatty foods and moderate amount of carbohydrate..
before starting this program which should be PERSISTENTLY AND PATIENTLY followed, i've surfed the internet to get the right information of dieting. just as a preventive measures of the yo-yo effect and any kidney and git problems(the main one), i tried to collect as much information of the ideal way to control our diet but at the same time, still indulge in tasteful splendid meals....i started on listing the calories of foods that we usually eat..then,if the calories is too high, i would substitute the high calorie food with a a bit lower one..then, i decrease the amount of oil for every serving to almost just a tea spoon..and, depend more on the natural oil that is present in the food, esp the chicken..so, basically, i've got the rough estimation and the list of meals that i have to prepare..owhh..and, i stressed on us having 3 times eating with a small amount of foods each serving....then, i started to implement my theories and my findings..
initially, the start was quite difficult for my other half..i, on the other hand was coping quite well because i tried this myself first before implementing it to him. and, besides, i prefer rich fibre food and bread rather than rice..that makes me more enjoying the program that i planned.. ;-) unfortunately, he wasnt enjoying the fact that i'm restricting the rice and the oily ayam masak merah from him..but, he has to do it..thats what he said..frankly speaking, its aching to see him eating the food that he never ever would enjoyed..but, that's all i can do...its the only way to help him out..after a few days, he's adapted a bit..and starting to accept the fact that i'll only give him rice for once a week and the rest of the week, he has to eat other carb such as bread and noodles. some people straight away eliminate the carbohydrate but i personally think that wasnt the right way..because, our body would response to the hypoglycemia by still searching for the other foods which end up us eating more calories than we should esp when we thought that nibbling doesnt cause any harm ( i mean to the amount of calories..)..anyways, we pursued on our plan accordingly accept for the fact that he insisted on eating only once a day! "noo wayyy...u cant do it...thats not the right way" i've never stopped saying that but, he still insisted on eating only once a day..its too dangerous for now, and for years to come..not only he may be malnourished due to the lack of nutrients, but that would also predispose to the formation of stones in the gallbladder..eventhough he's not at a risk owing to the fact that he's not a fat woman in the forties with fair complexion, but, still the fact that his inappropriate regime of diet may stimulate the development of stones!! ahhaaa...now i'm blabbering..but, that's the fact, and thats the only thing that worries me a lot..
now, we have at least 5 months and 2 weeks to accomplish this mission..and i'm grateful because he told me that he would continue to eat like this as long as we stick together..as for me, i'm happy to just go on but still trying to persuade him to take his breakfast and lunch! ;-P for him to sacrifice his fav foods and make this work really made me impressed..no matter what other people say, he still believe in me..

any ideas to help them?

Penyakit mental: Bomoh lebih dipercayai
K
UCHING 15 Dis. – Kepercayaan masyarakat kepada hantu, jin dan semangat jahat menyebabkan rawatan bomoh dan pawang lebih dipercayai oleh masyarakat untuk mengubat penyakit mental berbanding rawatan moden.

Ketua Jabatan Sosiologi dan Antropologi Universiti Malaysia Sarawak (Unimas), Dr. Ling How Kee berkata, rawatan moden di hospital kerajaan dan swasta menjadi pilihan terakhir untuk mengubat penyakit jiwa, gila dan gangguan perasaan.

‘‘Penyakit mental sering dikaitkan dengan perbuatan sihir, ilmu hitam oleh pihak-pihak tertentu atau rasuk oleh semangat jahat.

‘‘Ada yang menolak sama sekali kaitan faktor kesihatan dengan penyakit itu,” katanya ketika membentangkan kertas kerja bertajuk ‘Pelbagai Rawatan dan Bantuan Penyakit Mental’ pada Persidangan Kesihatan Mental, di sini, hari ini.

Persidangan tiga hari yang berakhir hari ini disertai oleh 300 peserta dari seluruh negara termasuk dari Indonesia dan Brunei.

How Kee berkata, kepercayaan itu yang masih tebal di kalangan masyarakat khususnya di negeri ini menyebabkan khidmat bomoh dalam masyarakat Melayu, manang (Iban), pimpuri (Bidayuh), abayoh (Melanau) dan tangki (Cina) masih dipegang kuat.



this is why its difficult to diagnose and treat the mentally ill people in malaysia..eventhough doctors have forked out a tremendous effort all along their way in med school and doing some researches,the superstitious believes blend in their lives so well, they just couldnt get rid of it.. malaysians just dont appreciate the doctors..and, i'm not sure whether is there any ways to make them believe in us... :-(

~~ no turning back..~~

i couldnt help myself but keep on thinking..after spending my 4 years here, i somehow felt like maybe it wasnt the best decision i've ever made in my life. vividly i remembered, i was one day late from accepting the offer to pursue my studies in russia. for 3 nights i prayed istikharah in the hope of making the right decision. my family said that, after performing the istikharah, i should feel it in my heart, and not totally from my dream. actually, that night i dreamt about russia. i'm not sure whether the dream in a way was influenced by what i've read in the news paper or by my mother's opinion, but, in that dream i was all alone in moscow in an abandoned haunted building with the bombings around me. ridiculously, even after this weird dream, i still opted for russia. silly me! i dont know what got to me actually..the fact that i dont have any confidence in me to wait for the spm results or was it because i may graduate the same year as my sister. i wasnt sure back then.. after all, when the spm result was released, my results enabled me to go somewhere else but, i just accepted the offer to russia..so, there's no turning back..i couldnt leave this program because i wasnt sure whether i could secure other places...or not.. again, back to my insecurity issues..to cut it short, i just go for it... and now, it has been 4 years..frankly speaking, i've never felt proud being here..oppss...that shows how ungrateful i am..but, basically, how can i be proud? people have been insulting us from day one, be it the malaysians or the russians...if its in malaysia, the moment they knew we are studying in russia, just in a split of second they would rolled their eyes and asked us about the recognition state..as if, they've never read in the newspaper!! i know, there are some issues over here, but that doenst make us too bad to not to be respected. we came here from the scholarships from the government. so, think it yourself..since forever, i think i've been justifying the fact that its not all too bad here..doctors in malaysia have spoken that we from russia are not as competent as the doctors who graduated from other places...we are lacking of the clinical skills and cant even make the venepuncture..in addition to that, yesterday, i read an aquantaince blog stating how students from russian cant even make a proper diagnosis which is an essential skill for doctors...honestly, i totally disagree of the whole fact except the clinical skills..yup..here, we dont really get the chance to make the accurate and precise clinical examination..maybe, that's only of our university..but, i heard that the students from other universities are doing well..so, that makes a big no-no for the lack of clinical skills right? and..about making the right diagnosis,i'm sorry kid, but you absolutely know nothing about other universities. our university(not promoting, but just to state that there's at least one) and i believe other universities in russia, also they really teach us how to make the diagnosis..step by step..yes..we are spoonfed, but, it makes us know our stuff..and make things right..i'm grateful to be here...so, why am i regretting of my choice?...its not about the studies..or the weather..or the money..its more about myself..my personality..and my life....i'm not the same maryam that my friends back in malaysia know me..i've changed to almost 180 degrees..and, that makes me feel really unhappy about myself..because people see me so superficially and always see me as a good decent girl...if only i could turnover time, i should have be more strong and stick to my principles rather than change myself and go with the flow..i just hate myself for being so weak,so dependent, and so fragile..

~~ bersyukurnye aku di lahirkan sebagai seorang wanita....~~

SOURCE : Haji Dato Dr. Mohd Fadzilah Kamsah
——————————————————————————————
Hati dan Perasaan Wanita

Sensitif : Bukan bermaksud suka merajuk, tapi hanya ingin bermanja dan mendapatkan perhatian.

Cerewet : Bukan bermaksud FUSSY tak tentu hala, kadang ingin LELAKI mengikut kata-katanya sekali sekala.

Halus : Ibarat sehelai sutera, cantik, mulus, lembut dan mudahtercarik dan koyak. Walaupun seorang wanita memaafkan seseorang yang lain atas sebab sesalahan, biasanya WANITA akan ingat kesalahan tersebut untuk disimpan jadi pengajaran. Bukan DENDAM.

Ikhlas : Ikhlas seorang wanita tak perlu diragui.

Korban : WANITA sanggup berkorban apa saja untuk seseorang yangamat disayangi, termasuk ibu bapa, anak-anak dan suami. WANITA amat tabah.

Prihatin : Sentiasa memerhatikan keadaan sekeliling dalam diam.

Manja : Walaupun dia adalah seorang WANITA yang pandai berdikari,naluri seorang WANITA masih lagi tetap seorang WANITA. Suka bermanja bukan hanya kepada insan yang bernama LELAKI , namun juga sesama kaum.

Ego : WANITA yang terlalu sayangkan kekasihnya sanggup menolak ketepi EGOnya apabila bersemuka dengan yang dicintai.



Cinta : CINTA pertama bagi wanita adalah yang paling dalam dantulus.



Seks : SEKs bukanlah segala-galanya buat WANITA kerana WANITAdiciptakan dengan 9 nafsu dan satu akal. NAFSU yang banyak dan tidak tertumpu kepada satu saja. LELAKI pula dijadikan dengan 9 akal dan satu nafsu. Fungsi lelaki adalah membimbing WANITA dan bukan menghanyutkannya.
*********************************


Peranan LELAKI dalam kehidupan WANITA adalah sebagai pelindung dan bukan sebagai pemusnah. WANITA diciptakan oleh ALLAH swt dari tulang rusuk kiri dan untuk dipeluk dan dimanja, bukan untuk dikasari. Maka lelaki haruslah memahami HATI dan PERASAAN WANITA







1. Doa perempuan lebih makbul daripada lelaki kerana sifat penyayangnya yang lebih kuat daripada lelaki. Ketika ditanya kepada Rasulullah s. a. w. akan hal tersebut, jawab Baginda s. a. w., "Ibu lebih penyayang daripada bapa dan doa orang yang penyayang tidak akan sia-sia".

2. Apabila seseorang perempuan mengandung janin dalam rahimnya, maka beristighfarlah para malaikat untuknya. Allah s. w. t. mencatatkan baginya setiap hari dengan 1,000 kebajikan dan menghapuskan darinya 1,000 kejahatan.

3. Apabila seseorang perempuan mulai sakit hendak bersalin, maka Allah s. w. t. mencatatkan baginya pahala orang yang berjihad pada jalan Allah s. w. t.

4. Apabila seseorang perempuan melahirkan anak, keluarlah dia dari dosa-dosa seperti keadaan ibunya melahirkannya.

5. Apabila telah lahir anak lalu disusui, maka bagi ibu itu setiap satu tegukan daripada susunya diberi satu kebajikan.

6. Apabila semalaman ibu tidak tidur dan memelihara anaknya yang sakit, maka Allah s. w. t. memberinya pahala seperti memerdekakan 70 hamba dengan ikhlas untuk membela agama Allah s. w. t.

7. Barangsiapa yang menggembirakan anak perempuannya, darjatnya seumpama orang yang sentiasa menangis kerana takutkan Allah s. w. t. dan orang yang takutkan Allah s. w. t., akan diharamkan api neraka ke atas tubuhnya.

8. Barangsiapa membawa hadiah, (barang makanan dari pasar ke rumah lalu diberikan kepada keluarganya, maka pahalanya seperti bersedekah). Hendaklah mendahulukan anak perempuan daripada anak lelaki. Maka barangsiapa yang menyukakan anak perempuan seolah-olah dia memerdekakan anak Nabi Ismail.

9. Tiap perempuan yang menolong suaminya dalam urusan agama, maka Allah s. w. t. memasukkan dia ke dalam syurga lebih dahulu daripada suaminya (10,000 tahun).

10. Perempuan apabila sembahyang lima waktu, puasa bulan Ramadhan, memelihara kehormatannya serta taat akan suaminya, masuklah dia dari pintu syurga mana sahaja yang dikehendaki.

11. Wanita yang solehah (baik) itu lebih baik daripada 1,000 lelaki yang soleh.

12. Aisyah berkata, "Aku bertanya kepada Rasulullah s. a. w, siapakah yang lebih besar haknya terhadap wanita? Jawab Rasulullah s. a. w., "Suaminya". "Siapa pula berhak terhadap lelaki?" Jawab Rasulullah s. a. w, "Ibunya".

13. Apabila memanggil akan engkau dua orang ibubapamu, maka jawablah panggilan ibumu dahulu.

14. Wanita yang taat akan suaminya, semua ikan-ikan di laut, burung di udara, malaikat di langit, matahari dan bulan semua beristighfar baginya selama mana dia taat kepada suaminya serta menjaga sembahyang dan puasanya.

15. Wanita yang taat berkhidmat kepada suaminya akan tertutup pintu-pintu neraka dan terbuka pintu-pintu syurga. Masuklah dari mana-mana pintu yang dia kehendaki dengan tidak dihisab.

16. Syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu.

17. Wanita yang tinggal bersama anak-anaknya akan tinggal bersama aku (Nabi s. a. w) di dalam syurga.

18. Barangsiapa mempunyai tiga anak perempuan atau tiga saudara perempuan atau dua anak perempuan atau dua saudara perempuan lalu dia bersikap ihsan dalam pergaulan dengan mereka dan mendidik mereka dengan penuh rasa takwa serta bertanggungjawab, maka baginya syurga.

19. Daripada Aisyah r. a. "Barangsiapa yang diuji dengan sesuatu daripada anak-anak perempuan lalu dia berbuat baik kepada mereka, maka mereka akan menjadi penghalang baginya daripada api neraka."

4 Golongan lelaki ditarik wanita

Seseorang wanita itu apabila di yaumal alkhirat akan menarik empat golongan lelaki bersamanya ke dalam neraka? Na'uzubillah, artikel ini bukan untuk memperkecilkan wanita tetapi sebaliknya iaitu supaya kaum lelaki memainkan peranannya dengan hak & saksama serta berwaspada akan tanggung-jawab yang kita pikul!

PERTAMA - AYAHNYA
Apabila seseorang yngg bergelar ayah tidak memperdulikan anak-anak perempuannya di dunia. Dia tidak memberikan segala keperluan agama seperti mengajar solat, mengaji & sebagainya. Dia memperbiarkan anak-anak perempuannya tidak menutup aurat, tidak cukup kalau dengan hanya memberi kemewahan dunia sahaja maka dia akan ditarik oleh anaknya.

KEDUA - SUAMINYA
Apabila sang suami tidak memperdulikan tindak tanduk isterinya. Bergaul bebas di pejabat, memperhiaskan diri bukan untuk suami tapi untuk pandangan kaum lelaki yang bukan mahram. Apabila suami mendiam diri walaupun dia seorang alim seperti solat tidak tangguh, puasa tidak tinggal maka dia akan ditarik oleh isterinya.

KETIGA ABANG-ABANGNYA
Apabila ayahnya sudah tiada, tanggungjawab menjaga maruah wanita jatuh ke pundak abang-abangnya. Jikalau mereka hanya mementing keluarganya sahaja dan adik perempuannya dibiar melencong dari ajaran ISLAM tunggulah tarikan adiknya di akhirat kelak.

KEEMPAT - ANAK LELAKINYA
Apabila seorang anak tidak menasihati seorang ibu perihal kelakuan yang haram dari Islam, bila ibu membuat kemungkaran pengumpat, mengata & sebagainya maka anak itu akan disoal dan dipertangungjawabkan di akhirat kelak nantikan tarikan ibunya maka kita lihat bertapa hebatnya tarikan wanita bukan sahaja di dunia malah di akhirat pun tarikannya begitu hebat maka kaum lelaki yang bergelar ayah/suami/abang atau anak harus memainkan peranan mereka yang sebenar dan tidak silap.

Firman ALLAH SWT:-
"HAI ANAK ADAM PERIHARALAH DIRI KAMU SERTA AHLIMU DARI API NERAKA DI MANA BAHAN PEMBAKARNYA IALAH MANUSIA, JIN DAN BATU-BATU..."

~~ sorry seems to be the hardest word..~~

its the sequence of the entry below...

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word


it has been 9 days..i just dont know what to do..if i'm not making any attempts again..i think, we will not be talking until forever..i seriously believe that..

hmm...well, this is the particular issue that i hadnt resolved yet.. :-(

i'm really awkward with saying sorry..and, i just dont know what to do if the other party just shut me down without even giving me the chance to explain and settle this things. its obviously just a misunderstanding...

but, if you are reading this, i openly apologize to you of what i've done..that's all i could say..

~~ forgive and forget~~

i've been trying to write something for the past few days..but, the ideas and the sentences just doesnt come out so smoothly..so, i ended up..typing..and deleting..and typing again.... for countless of times..there's a lot happened actually for the past few days..mostly made me satisfied and contented..but, also, still there are some unresolved matter which i still had not any clue how to solve it...

if you've read about my post "musuh dalam selimut..so it seems.." ,u'll know what actually happened last week..so, basically as anonymous this particular gemok wanted to be, eventually he confessed to us...coincidently, we already figured about him that evening, and shortly after that, he somehow felt like he should apologize to us.. the moment i knew he was the one, i wasnt mad at all.i was suprised myself!! maybe, i know that's how he says things, or maybe i'm more forgiving these days.. i think this owe to both...as i became more mature, i could feel that i'm becoming forgiving..i'll be angry and frustrated for a day or two the most, but eventually i'll give in..esp when they've apologized to me..and, after that the issue's resolved..and i'll try not to bring that up again..

i still remember my childhood..i was known by all how stubborn i was and how i was too unforgiving back then until even the tiny2 things that people do to me, vividly i remembered...my mum always said to me, there's no use of taking revenge to people..as time flies, i thought..actually, keeping the unforgiving feelings inside you will just make u bitter through out your life.. all you do, is resenting them and keep on saying.."what if..", which doesnt help in life..because there's no what ifs...what happens, happens..and all we can do is learn from the mistakes and cherish the precious moments..i somehow regret i didnt know this trick earlier..but, i'm grateful now...at least, i dont have to live in a resentful life for the coming years.... ;-)

so basically for you out there, you're forgiven already.. ;-)

~~ blabbing and wasting my time~~

it has been 4 days. i wasnt feeling quite ok. it started with a sore throat, then progressed to the productive cough, and now i'm having a running nose! fortunately, my temperature was normal, at least for now. tom, i'm having therapy. i havent studied the material yet as today, i've been lying on my bed almost 24/7 and having a mild headache. i couldnt concentrate, and end up sleeping and watching movies.i kind of regretted for wasting my precious time just like that. but, i just dont have the mood even to flip my books. owh, i forgot to mention! i'm having russian also for tom and we were given the task to write about a character from the story that we've read "slon". oowhh man!! i'm really stucked right now!

i guess i have to go now..by hook or by crook i have to finish it up..the lesson for today, i should have done my work early and not wasting my time. and, i should be grateful when i'm healthy, because, when we're sick there's a lot that we cant do. but the best thing is, we are actually given the time to muhasabah diri..taraaa!!

husbands..pay attention!!

huhuhu...husbands, please pay attention to this..

1.ultimately, u should know ur responsibility to ur wife and family..which one comes first.

2.after, u get married, please listen to ur mother first than ur wife..because ur mother is still your responsibility and it will always be..

3.dont hurt your mother's feelings as mothers tend to be more sensitive after u get married but at the same time they will not tell you straight in front of ur face that they are upset with you.

4.before getting married, make sure u already clearly state to ur wife-to-be that u have a big responsibility on your shoulder. and, make sure ur wife understands that and help you with it.

5.try to have sometime with your mother as sons are their fav children.

6. if you come from a big family and being the eldest means that u have to take care of your other sibs, please do so..and explain it to ur wife..if she really loves you and understands you, she will help out too..

7. if you're looking for a genuine wife, make sure she is not so materialistic up to the extent of signing a contract with you before marriage. its such a ridiculous act..and, u are actually fooled by her.

8. u should be the leader..ask your wife to listen to you, not you listening to her..

9. if u feel like marrying again, please remember the hardship moments between u and ur wife..hope it makes u think twice..

10. love ur wife dearly, but love your mother unconditionally....

p/s: if you marry a person only for their looks, u'll end up frustrated with their behaviour...looks are not everything..from my own observation.. ;-)

~~Eyes are the Windows of your HEART~~

since i was a kid, my interest was more to motivational books and books about life...including the books filled with proverbs and idioms and not to forget the quotes from famous writers..but,due to my memory cells degrading( i guess), up until now, i managed to remember only a few of them..saddens me a lot actually..but, the most fav quote that i think i wouldnt forget in my entire life is this.. 'eyes are the windows of your heart'..
i first read this qoute back in 1996 when i was just 9 years old..i couldnt exactly remember from which book it was, but, i can scarcely remember it's from a beige thin covered book...that book was'nt mine, i think we bought it from the garage sale we always attended in petaling jaya then.so, back to the main subject, when i first caught my eyes to this quote, i certainly agree with it!! my mum always says.."we have to becareful with our eyes..it shows everything..be it hatred,joy,excitement,jealousy,sorrow or misery.."yup..eyes wouldnt lie..it reflects whats inside you that's yearning so hard to be heard..and, i always look at people in their eyes to know, whats bothering them the most esp when they speak and interacting with me. as i knew about this trick, i'm always scared that people will see me straight into my eyes and see the awkwardness and discomfort that i'm having. believe it or not, most of the time i'm conversing actually i'm having a huge feeling of awkwardness in me. only several people made me feel comfortable in speaking and most of them dont..its not their fault actually..its me..i used to have inferiority complex in the past..and i guess, there are still the remainings of it stucked inside the edges of my heart and made me felt a bit less confident to have a normal conversation with my fellow friends..
speaking about eyes, i feel like writing about my dear friend here..her name was R. i've known her for almost 5 years..initially, we were'nt that close eventhough we belong to the same circle of friends and were classmates..maybe because she has this northern dialect which i'm seldom exposed to..so, in short, i dont really understand what she was talking about most of the time..usu, i just politely smile and nodded..days by days, we got closer, and i started to feel comfortable having her around and had some good chats over anything..we entered the same medical school in moscow...and, the real stories started here.. ;-) first year, there's nothing as interesting as the following years..second year came along, i could sense there's some kind of shine in her eyes..her eyes started to glow, and i knew it at once..maybe, the cupid has done his work? hehehe..as usu, during our leisure time, we exchanged stories and catching up the new gossips around the corner..the streotype questions arised to her.." r, macam mane r dengan z"..i asked..the same question..and,all over again..most of the time, she would reply " takda ape2 lah..kami kawan je.." while sheepishly smiling..questioning and answering -it went on quite sometime.as always, denial would be the answer..but, only her eyes really showed her blooming heart..we were happy for her, and keep on teasing her lovey dovey thingy....unfortunately, life was not a bed of roses..there were times when i could see her sorrow thru her eyes..it seemed to me,the more she denied, the more hurtful she was..its all potrayed thru her saddened eyes..the periodic changes in her eyes,glowing to gloomy to joy, persisted for almost 2 years, and eventually came to an end.. it was for good..just occured a month or two ago..cant really remember the exact date..her eyes showed diff changes from usual..its more like a frustrated devastated weeping eyes..i couldnt help but noticing..and, was afraid to ask any further as her body language seemed like saying ' i'm ok..so, u just dont ask me anything'..so, i didnt ask her anything, but i do know there's something wrong..and this is like the final..its the full stop of the denial relationship that she was having with her used to be prince charming..after a couple of days passed by, i confronted her and asked whether is it true its over between them..she was shocked to see me knowing so much without her telling..then i replied, " r, sume nye dari mate..tengok mate pun dah tau.." few drops of tears started to flow down her rosy cheeks..and, she told me about it..at least few details of it..obviously, it was hard for her, but, everything's happen for a reason..personally, i was quite relieved its over between them..because i think she deserves a better person.. a person more or less like her..like my sister said.." kite kn cari orang yang same fikrah, sama pandangan supaye boleh same2 maju untuk ISLAM insyaallah.." so, yup..she should be with someone more mature and understanding..not that i'm saying the mr z wasnt good enuff for her, they were just not meant for each other..things looked fine for her for sometime..but,a wounded heart wasnt meant to be healed in the nick of time right? yesterday, i saw her weeping..i'm sure its about him again..but,as always, she denied eventhough it was obvious her eyes were swollen due to the lacrimation..but, never mind, as long as she cries, it would be better rather than supressing the real feelings inside..luckily, today she seemed fine! :-) i hope she would stay strong and optimistic in the future..i'll try to not ask her any questions as,maybe, asking her again would deteriorate her almost healed wounded heart...r, stay strong dear, and have faith in you..its ok to make mistakes when u can learn from it and not making the same one anymore...and, remember, you are not alone....ur eyes tells everything..so, no need to hide, its the window of your heart..i can lend my shoulders for you to cry on..stay sweet and get married soon!! love ya!! :-)

i'm opening up..

after weeks, i started blogging, eventually, i decided to share my blog officially..feel free to drop by and have some chat with me in the chatter box..initially, i'm too shy to let others read my blog, but when i thought things over, i realised, i want others to really know me..not the superficial side of me..and, share some thoughts with me too..so, WELCOME OFFICIALLY TO MARYAM'S BLOG!! ;-)

its time for me to open up and let the readers enjoy the bits of my life here.. ;D

musuh dalam selimut..so it seems..

this morning, i browsed through paez's blog..i thought, he would add some new entries as he has not updated his blog for few days already..but, i was wrong..it was still the same..then, i couldnt help but noticing..there are something wrong with the chatter box..it seems that paez was too mad to someone..i scrolled down the place..yup! i was right..this whoever fellow was extremely inconsiderate with others' feelings..

4 Dec 07, 15:34
pAEz: so kalo itu pon xleh wat.. wat a LOSER.. no use to listen to u....

4 Dec 07, 15:33
pAEz: btw.. aku nk tahu sape hg.. kalo malu cakap terang2.. ym je aku.. frenster ade emel ade.. kalo laa berani.. kalo betul2 lelaki... yg tibe2 emo ngan aku amende nih.. show urself..

4 Dec 07, 15:31
pAEz: dah name aku nih student... hg ingat aku free sangat ke nk BERJIWA BERSENTIMENTAL tulih2 diari itu ini.. insyaALLAH kalo aku ade mase aku try la tulih sikit2.. xde laa pandai sgt writing blog macam hg

4 Dec 07, 15:29
pAEz: atau hang nak cari pasal ngan aku.. uihhh aku br je wat blog nih seminggu.. hang dah nak comments sini sana.. kalo blog hang bagus sangat.. bg laa link aku pon nak tgk jugak blog yg x copy n paste..

4 Dec 07, 15:28
pAEz: hahaha kalau ye pon xpuas hati ngan aku.. bg laa SALAM dlu dah name masuk tempat orang.. kalo berani sangat nak SOUND.. kenape x bgtau name... at least aku bleh tahu. aku ad wat salah ngan hang ka???

4 Dec 07, 07:22
gemok: btw, u and maryam, it irks me to no end.
4 Dec 07, 07:21
gemok: ugh, whats the point of blogging if all u do is copy n paste stuff.


whoever this GEMOK, i'm sure this person really wasnt ok with us but was too afraid to reveal straight in front of us...but why? if you dont like us, just say it..dont be such a loser kiddoo! i just dont know..by the time goes by, i started to feel that i couldnt trust anyone..they maybe good in front of you, but obviously they couldnt help themself but to b*itch about us at the back..what's the point? are you that perfect? bcoz, with all due respect, i'll tell you.. NO ONES PERFECT..or are you so "concern" about us? ahaa...get a life dear..thanks for ur "concern" anyway..dont need that from a hypocrite like you..because, its obvious you are from here..at least from moscow..maybe, that's the reason you dont want to tell us, because u maybe so near to us and i proudly announce you as MUSUH DALAM SELIMUT!!

oooohhh.. i forgot to add..there's no rules in blogging..its up to the blogger themselves..so, what the heck if they copy paste from somewhere else? do u have a burdening problem on your shoulders with that? they just want to share something they've read before..and you, complaining and whining about us..you should start a diary right now, and let others read what's your intention supposed to be and how u made us felt..and maybe you're happy now bcoz we got the message, but you shouldnt be in cloud nine either because you just made someone pissed off that makes you no better than just a pathetic attention seeker! bcoz, we did pay attention to you..hahhahah!!

p/s: pissing me off, i still can control, but, i wouldnt tolerate with anyone pissing paez off.. becareful of what you say, because, its not smart to intentionally hurting others' feelings..

awesome gala nitee!!!

superb..terrific..worth every rubles of it..it's one of the most memorable night i've ever experienced..i just love every moment of it eventhough the crowd was just half of the restaurant, but, every aspect of it make it all such a fantastic one just inches close to perfect..THANKS A LOT TO THE COMMUNITY MEMBER who has forked out a tremendous effort to make this event a dream come true to us.. ;-)

dearie osmonov..

Dear OSMONOV..
From the bottom of our heart..we promise you 100%, we will try our best to impress you..with our knowledge..next semester..it's not accurately fair when u say how poor we were today..we tried our best for today's topic-esophagus..at least most of them did. But, u surprised us with the questions from the previous classes without any prior notice. we are not as smart as u may think, but, it doesnt make us such a dumb either..if only you told us about today, we may be ready to answer ur questions and will not fumble in front of you and make ourself sounded stupid...frustrated indeed, but, u should have accept our case history and act more professionally. we do know you were trying to control your anger from us but that's not a reasonable way for not even go through our case history which took us about 2 days to get it done..sir, fyi, living here is not all about studying.. and i must say its quite ok to have some entertainment..to control our stress and make studying more enjoyable...2 hours reading was not ample enough especially when we were just about to familiarize with it..but, giving so many reasons like us doesnt really help in both ways i guess. so, all i want to say is, please..do understand us..and, try to lower your expectation..we will try our best and stop giving so many nonsense reasons..and, please..dont scold us or use any harsh words..it made us somehow b****ing about you later..and we hate to do so..

p/s: thanks for being patient with us all the while, but today proves that u can be so stern it would made us feel so scared just thinking of you..


sincerely yours,
Group 9

~~hate that i love you..

Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
That’s how much I love you (yeah)
That’s how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I can’t stand ya
Must everything you do
make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile
No..

[Ne-Yo:]
but you won’t let me
You upset me girl
and then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget
that I was upset
Can’t remember what you did

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it

[Rihanna:]
You know exactly what to do
So that I can’t stay mad at you
For too long, that’s wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
Girl, I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can’t stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh)
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so..

[Ne-Yo:]
And you completely know the power that you have
[Hate That I Love You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I
Love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain’t right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me
And your kiss won’t make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you’ll probably always have a spell on me..

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
That’s how much I love you
How much i need you
That's how much I need you
How much I love you
That’s how much I love you
How much I need you
That's how much i need you
I need you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate that I love you sooo...
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)
I can’t stand how much I need you (I can’t stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...ooh)
But I just can’t let you go (But I just can’t let you go, no)
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
And I hate that I love you so.. so..

~~just like the old days..

after several tense months(lah sangat...hehehhe)..eventually, i got the chance to sit with my housemates..raihan, tiha, n amnah..and had some good chattings..like we used to..it's nice to spend some time like this as i havent been around quite some time..i do feel there's some slight changes in me this semester..i just dont feel like going out from my room..my bed is getting cosier..and, my laptop has such an intense influence to me..so, most of the time..i just surf the internet...read the newspaper..watch some movies..browsing thru the frenster..and some medical webs..its like i spend almost half of my day with my lappie and still feel good about it..( previously, i dont even like to use my acer laptop..maybe, because its now toshiba!! huhuhu)....the chatting went on for almost 2 hours..initially, it was just about the pics that we were browsing thru in the friendster..and, progressively we gossiped about the things happening now..(ooppppssss....i still keep some secrets yer...if u read this.. ;-P) we were talking about our personal life...having some laughs and teary eyes..and continued on giving opinions and exchanging some good stories about each other..just like the old days..(as if, i havent seen them like 10 years..heheheh) if we were to be apart some day..undoubtly,we still can go on chatting about anything like we had during the good old days.....so..i'm gonna miss my chatting buddies over here.. ;-)

home or vacation??

its saturday morning..or..afternoon?? hehehe..i just woke up...from my bed..since morning..i've been together with my laptop...lying down lazily..with nothing to worry about..my friend, fatin and i..were having some chat about the coming summer holiday plans...for the next 2 years..i was planning to go to us or other places like japan or korea..i feel like i should spend this time having some fun exploring places and buy one or two things over there..i dont feel like going back home..even this coming summer..i dont think like coming back to malaysia..initially i planned on staying here after the eurotrip..because its just a nick of time before our semester starts..i think its a waste of money if you were about to spend time in malaysia for only a month..but, my friend insist on me coming back home..he says," kesian family..lame tak jumpe.." but, my mother would certainly be delighted if i'm not coming back home..she said,i have to save more for the future..and go travel..but, yesterday, i asked my sibs whether its ok for me to not coming back home this summer..there said no..they want me to come back..they say they miss me a lot..they want to eat my cookings..and, spend some time with me..it was so touching..at home, i'm not the typical maryam u'll see..i'm very strict with my sibs..if they dont behave..i'll cut down their allowance..i even make them clean the house if they are the ones who messed the place..i switched off the tv as i think its not good watching the tv 24/7.. i asked them to learn how to cook eventhough we have a maid..and, if they dont perform, i'll scold them until they cry and sit down doing the homework..but, still..even i'm so strict with them..they still want me to be at home..it was really touching..maybe that's what sibs are..no matter what happened, the love will always be there..and we care too much with each other..if i'm sad..they are the ones that will care for me..last summer, i spend one month in klantan..accompanying my grandmother and grandfather..they were lonely..but, having my presence around, at least they have someone to talk to..but before leaving to klantan..safiyyah(9) asked me.." maryam, kenape kn pg lagi...kan maryam baru sampai jer..safiyah takut rindu kat maryam.." tears started to flow from my eyes..but, all can i say was.."i'll be back home soon".. then when i was leaving for moscow, again, she asked me " maryam, bile balik sini lagi?" i told her..it would be next year..then she said " lamenye...tak boleh ke tak balik..safiyah rindu maryam.." again..her words touched the soft spot in my heart..she was just 5 years old..and yet..the feelings for me were so strong..i still remember..it was about 4 p.m, safiyah just woke up and straight away, she sit in fron of the tv, and watch her cartoon..she loves cartoon so much, almost all of it...even the dragon ball..but, her fav is spongebob sguarepants..btw,i forgot to mention, last night she slept at 3-4 a.m..watching tv also..that made her a total tv addict, aite? so..back to the story..while she lie down attentively watching her fav tv cartoon..i suddenly, took the remote and switch off the tv..she was furious..she cried, and i say..." safiyah, cube kire, brape lame safiyah tengok tv..semalam safiyah tengok sampai pukul 3 pagi..hari ni, bangun, terus tengok lagi..sebab tu, maryam kn tutup tv..ok?" then all of a sudden...she screamed at me.." ni lah yang safiyah tak suke ade kakak!!" stunned..then suddenly i burst out laughing..it was so funny..seeing her tarik muke n merajuk with me..just because of the tv...i ignored her..i want her to know..that, anything u want to do, it should be moderate..then i went straight away to the kitchen, and started to cook dinner...safiyah outside..still sitting and crying..but, what can i do..i dont want to manjekan her...my parents have been pampering her since she is the second youngest after muaz..i dont want her to be spoilt..after finished cooking..i sat down in the living room..then she went to me and said.."maryam, safiyah mintak maaf.."..then we salam..and she kiss me on my cheeks..and, i told her.." kalo nak jadi goodgirl, takleh buat macam tuh..ok? " she noded..and asked me to read some books for her...


that's only one of the numerous stories about her..i used to be like her..that's why..i know how to soften her heart..and, she always claims that she wants to be like me someday..

so..i think..i have to be home this coming summer....i really miss ma sibs a lot..

solution to the unsolved...

i'm gonna list down ere what i think should be done to ease this bomb ticking phenomenone:
1. back to practise Islam the right way...( mengadu dengan Allah..sebaik-baik pertolongan hanyalah dari-Nya..)
2. control ur emotions..dont let the satan mislead you..-istighfar banyak2..
3. everyone should have a strong supportive unit..so that, if anything happens, they are the ones who will back you up..
4. lead a happy life without stress- try to do things ontime, and dont let the petty things make u stressed out..and being a perfectionist doesnt mean the whole world..its just adding a lot more stress than you ever think of.
5. the goverment should lessen the work time..and distibute the wealth of the country to the citizens..and, stop rising the prices of goods..esp the OIL!! its makes the middle class and the lower class suffer even more and make the rich becomes richer..just like the kapitalisme..
6. exam oriented concept should be abolished..where as let the students explore their interest without being judged..as long as it can contribute to the nation..be it arts or science..
7. make the doctors happy..cut out all the on calls.. and let them have some rest at night...<< i'm applying desperately for this>>
8. teachers shouldnt be scolded at if they couldnt make the school the best in the nation..its not totally their fault, right?
9. have a happy marriage/relationship..it will make u smile all day because u know someones waiting for you at home..
10. spend less, save more...money wouldnt buy happiness but without it certainly would cause chaos...huh?
11. be optimistic..and..if u're frustrated, let ur emotions out rather tahn being bottled up for only god knows for how long..u may explode..and there would be no turing back time..
12. and, last but not least...seek a professional help..if you think u cant control it anymore.. dont be afraid..prevent is better than cure..once its getting worse, its not easy to go back being normal..


~~ i, myself..do have some of the moody depression moments..but, thanks to the support that i have..i'm still fine.. ;-)

so..what's the solution??

Tiga juta rakyat Malaysia disahkan sakit mental
SUNGAI PETANI 22 Nov. - Sebanyak 16 peratus atau tiga juta daripada 26 juta penduduk di negara ini disahkan mengalami sakit mental dan jumlah ini adalah sesuatu yang membimbangkan, kata Menteri Kesihatan, Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek.

Katanya, penemuan data terbaru Kajian Kesihatan dan Morbiditi Kebangsaan bagi tahun 2006 mendapati kes gangguan mental di kalangan rakyat Malaysia meningkat sebanyak hampir 6 peratus berbanding kajian yang dijalankan 10 tahun lepas.

Beliau berkata, daripada jumlah itu, sebanyak 20.3 peratus adalah di kalangan kanak-kanak dan remaja berusia bawah 16 tahun.

“Antara faktor tekanan jiwa di kalangan remaja adalah kerana gagal mendapat keputusan yang baik dalam peperiksaan, tekanan daripada keluarga dan sekolah, serta tiada sokongan masyarakat,” kata beliau kepada pemberita selepas merasmikan Hari Kesihatan Mental Sedunia peringkat kebangsaan di sini hari ini.

Katanya, ada di antara murid sekolah tertekan kerana tidak mendapat semua A dalam peperiksaan dan kemudiannya mereka dihina dan dikatakan bodoh serta tidak berguna untuk hidup, jadi mereka mengambil jalan mudah untuk menyelesaikan masalah iaitu dengan membunuh diri.

Chua berkata, daripada jumlah itu juga, sebanyak 11.2 peratus adalah pesakit di kalangan orang dewasa dan 19.5 paratus di kalangan warga emas yang berusia melebihi 70 tahun.

“Masalah kesihatan mental tidak boleh dipandang ringan, beban penyakit itu memberi kesan kepada masyarakat dan negara, dan kos perubatan untuk pesakit mental adalah semakin tinggi, manakala pesakit pula sering tidak mendapatkan rawatan awal kerana percayakan rawatan bomoh,” kata beliau.

Kes membunuh diri juga didapati semakin meningkat dengan sebanyak 20 hingga 30 orang daripada setiap 100,000 rakyat Malaysia membunuh diri setiap tahun.

Beliau berkata, kementerian juga mengalami masalah kekurangan pakar psikitiari kerana stigma masyarakat untuk menjadi pakar jiwa.

“Ada orang kita menggelar pakar jiwa `doktor gila’ dan ini menyebabkan kursus perubatan psikitiari tidak begitu popular sehingga sekarang,” kata beliau.

Katanya, setakat ini, cuma terdapat 145 orang pakar psikitiari dan negara memerlukan lebih 300 pakar lagi dalam bidang itu untuk mencapai nisbah 50 pesakit bagi seorang psikitiari.

Chua berkata, sehubungan itu, kerajaan mahu usaha mempertingkat kesedaran mengenai kesihatan mental ditambah.

- Bernama



~~its my routine daily to read the newspaper from various webs..utusan,bharian,thestar,pravda,moscowtimes,hmetro...i always looking forward to know the real life out there...this morning, i surf the internet as usual and i came across this shocking but expected news from wwww.utusan.com.my.. the moment i read it, straight away, thousands of questions keep on popping inside my head..how can they PRECISELY asses the mental ilness?? eventhough i'm a medical student..i do know there are some criterias..in fact there's a lot.. be it selfish, inconsiderate, depress,jealousy, and lots more i must say..it's considered as the symptoms of mental illness..but, it all depends on the severity of the symptoms..so, that makes me wonder...what's the real base and the guideline of the research? maybe they took it from the counselors or the hospitals document..but, that shows how inaccurate the statistics shows, right? so, it means that AT LEAST 16 % of malaysian's citizen suffer from this silence killer....hmmmmmmmm...sigh again..maybe that explains how malaysian's citizen can do such gruesome killing of nurin ..or the bombing of altantuya's body..or the burning of his own mother in penang few days before..hmmmm...so, the goverment should think of the solution...it has to be back to the root of the problem back..we have to analyse..what triggers the mental illness..we have to prevent since childhood..we all know the makings of our personality starts from young..as early as 4 years old..or even less..so, who is responsible of this? of course its the family institution..but, how does the family affects the development of the offsprings? it goes back to the parents..and it goes back to the parents' experience during childhood..so, its a non ending cycle which we call it as viscious cycle..so, we have to do something that breaks this cycle..we, i mean all..we all have to participate in curbing this phenomenon..if we dont take any preventive measures. i'm not suprised one day our country will be called as the schizo country..so..how can we prevent it? i'll add it afterwards..i'm already late for my class..so gtg..

russian's rackazz..

it's 10.48..i'm struggling with my tounge trying to pronounce the russian words correctly as i'm right now memorising the story that i have written to be told to our lecturer..i wrote about my experience back then when i was in form 2..i almost lost my brother in that incident. it hit me hard..until now, vividly i remember the chronology of the accident...its hard to write it down in russian..if i really know how to write and of course pronounce the words properly,its a must to write down every details of it..however, that was just an if..to not mess up a lot with the words i've shortened my story to less than 200 words...its just like the upsr in primary school, huh? but, what can i say? it's my fault..i should have dedicated my time to learn the russian language which i find it more difficult than the anatomy..huhuhu..regrets are always there..right? hmmm....

bittersweet truth...housemanship..

Thursday November 22, 2007(the star)
Move to make sure all doctors have required skills

By AUDREY EDWARDS

PUTRAJAYA: Newly-qualified doctors will have to undergo two years' compulsory housemanship from next year.

Currently, they only have to do a year of housemanship.

Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek, who announced the Cabinet decision yesterday, said the move was considered important to increase the knowledge, skills and experience of graduate medical officers.

“This will improve the quality of services and healthcare standards,” he said.

A rotation system of four months in six departments will be implemented. With the newest inclusion being the accident and emergency department, the rest are medical, paediatric, general surgery, orthopaedic, obstetrics and gynaecology.

“We have observed that in the past few years, about three to five per cent of graduate medical officers do not get full registration because they have weaknesses in knowledge or skills,” he told reporters before chairing his ministry’s post-Cabinet meeting.

“We cannot let this continue. We hope the move is seen as a positive one by future graduates and we are confident the rakyat (people) will support us.”

After the two-year housemanship, the doctors would have to serve their three years' compulsory service with the Government or its agencies, he said.

Dr Chua said the ministry would apply to the Government to place them under the U43 grade upon completing the two years' housemanship compared to the current U41. The U43 pay scale is RM500 more than U41.

He said the doctors would be able to pursue their specialist courses or Master’s after serving two years' compulsory service compared to the current situation whereby they can only apply to further their studies after three years.

About 1,200 local medical students graduate annually.

Dr Chua also announced the Cabinet’s decision to disallow the future setting up of private cord blood banks because while it was a new service with huge potential to treat specific diseases, there were still ethical issues to be scrutinised.

He said the existing centres would have to apply for a licence from the ministry within the next two months and would be registered under the Private Healthcare Facilities and Services Act 1998.



well..i must say, i wasnt delighted to hear about this...in addition to the meagre payment(people always think about money first nowadays) plus the mental torturing and not to forget the 24/7 working hours, it really made me feel like, i just want to be a student and enjoying my medical student life..no responsibility( just a little) ..no scolding..no backbitching....its too comfortable to let it passed..but, thinking of the positive side of it, it makes us more prepared to be a competent doctor and help out the rakyat..right?? ececececec..terbaik la pulok...heheheh
..so, i guess, by hook or by crook..we still have to do it no matter how terrible it is..perhaps, thinks could change and made it less horrible as it seems..
ps: alamak..if its 2 years, so, when should i get married??? adddoooiiiii...the pressure from my family is haunting me..help!!!!!

is it true? practically??

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.

Article 1:

Statement of Love: The Kiss


1. Kiss on the hand I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck I want you
4. Kiss on the lips I love you
5. Kiss on the ears I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes kiss me
8. Playing with your hair I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist I love you to much to let you go

Article 2: The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.
2. Guys If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.
3. Guys & Girls Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
Article 3: The Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say "I miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.


seriously?? i hope so....where's my prince charming? ;-P (feel like i want to marry right now..heheheheh)

songs for my loved ones

just enjoy!!

this is a break up song that i simply love

Reminiscing the past..back in jasin..

this is the very first time i'm officially blogging..i figured its time for me to have a new interest besides shopping and cooking...hehehe..
anyway, back to the headline above..as i was leisuring my time by surfing the internet reading the newspaper, listening to some awesome musics from imeem.com, i thought of browsing the friendster..i opened my profile...not much difference ever since the last summer..i dont feel like putting new pictures or changing the layout..maybe, friendster wasnt for me anymore..i think so..huhuh..however, while i was busy viewing my list of friends there, my eyes caught to the image of my late friends account- arwah ahadiah. she wasnt a close friend of mine. but, i must say, she's adorable.up until now, i'm sure folks back in jasin would still miss this happy- go -lucky girl. so, i clicked on her account..just curious if there's any changes or what eventhough its obvious it hasnt changed since 3 years before. yup..i was right..there's no changes..the last comment she received was on 2004....i read through the comments....unexpectedly, i saw this guy..which had caused me such a miserable life back in jasin..-soujiro..i dont mind writing his name here...hope so, he'll read this..hahaha..so, speaking about this crazy guy( oppss...still feel that u are crazy..) i started to know him in jasin..he was my classmate since form 4. initially, we were fine...at least i thought so.. however, the dramas all started when we were in form 5. to cut it short, almost everyone at school knew about our conflict..and, everyone knows he's some kind of antimaryam..plus antigirls...still. after all these years, i'm not sure why he hated me so much....but, from my point of view, he just doesnt like the way i bring myself....maybe its too girlie or what, i dont know...but, thats not the reason i'm writing here..heheehe..jeng..jeng..jeng.. only today i knew that he has a GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! hahahhahha.. i cant believe it!!! and his girlfriend looks as girlie as i am, plus, so manjeeeeeeeee......hahahhahaha
i burst out laughing!! SERIOUSLY???? still it was weird and funny.. how much he hated me before, and hated the COUPLE term, eventually, he surrendered..hahhahahah..u got served dude!! u see..how, the world is round(geographically sphere of course) and how, those that we hated so much ends up us getting it..and, now, i hope he regretted what he has done to me.. at least, he should know how grateful i am for him now..hohohohoh...but, really, i myself should take this as a lesson too..i should never ever hate or condemed anything because Allah S.W.T will always test us with what we did..